YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

Words byZan, tune 'Seven Little Girls'

Four burly fighters, standing in the front rank
Hackin' and a-slashin' with Fred.
I said 'Hey, guys, I'm bored here, when will it be my turn?'
This is what the fighters all said:
(All togevver nah, hwun, tew, free...)

Keep your mind on your blessing, keep your hands on your heal
And keep your shifty eyes out to turn undead.
We're having fun, standing in the front rank
Hackin' and a-slashin' with Fred.

Three other priests, standing in the front rank
Hittin' on the monsters with Fred.
I said 'Why doesn't one of you come back and relieve me?'
This is what the clerics all said:
(If you'll turn to hymn 123..)

Keep your mind on your blessing, keep your hands on your heal
And keep your shifty eyes out to turn undead.
We're having fun, standing in the front rank
Smiting the ungodly with Fred.

Two scrawny mages, standing in the front rank
Throwin' darts and daggers with Fred.
I said 'You've got no armour, you should be behind me!'
This is what the mages both said:
(You'll like this...not a lot...)

Keep your mind on your blessing, keep your hands on your heal
And keep your shifty eyes out to turn undead.
We're having fun, standing in the front rank
Earning us a level with Fred.

One little thief, standing in the front rank
Makin' like a hero with Fred.
I said 'I know a chest just beggin' to be opened.'
This is what the little thief said
(Oh yeah? Got legs, has it?)

Keep your mind on your blessing, keep your hands on your heal
And keep your shifty eyes out to turn undead.
I'm having fun, standing in the front rank
Searchin' all the bodies for Fred.

When it was over I called a time-out
Knew we had to talk the thing through.
That's when I found out Fred was a paladin
What's an evil cleric to do?
(All together now, one two three...)

I'll keep my mind on my cursing, keep my hands on my Harm
And keep my shifty eyes out to draw undead.
I'll have some fun, standing in the back row
Gettin' my revenge upon Fred.
(Repeat last line as nauseam, with interpolations as follows)
'Ooops, sorry.'
'Why's it getting darker?'
'Aaah, my back!'
'My aim's gone off...'
'Something certainly has.'
'Where did all you zombies come from?'
'My arm's gone dead!'
'So has Fred.'
'No, he's getting up again.'
'I don't think that's him...'