JACK THE SLOB REVISITED

(Tune: "Dawson's Christian")

Jacko Fosdick was a lazy man, he never washed or shaved,
He would never change his underpants till they could not be saved.
Dirty crocks and dirty laundry lay in heaps where they'd been thrown
Round the garbage heap where Jacko slept alone.

And yet Jacko could not understand why he was so despised
And he thought 't was by some evil curse that he'd been stigmatised,
Till at last he hit upon a scheme to get himself a lay:
To the Goddess for a bimbo he would pray.

CHORUS
There are stories of the Goddess, she who rules both earth and sea,
there are stories of her anger, of her sadness and her glee,
But the tale that warms my spirit, and that's why I like it best,
Is the tale of Jacko Fosdick and his quest,
Yes, the tale of slobbish Jacko and his quest.

Jacko's mind was set upon his task and powered by his need,
So he went down to the Library some occult books to read.
Well, they showed him to the section where the books are kept on chains
And young Jacko started in to stuff his brains.

Well they threw him out at closing time but he returned next day,
And he soon became quite learned in an eldritch kind of way.
Wasn't long before he found a spell he knew would serve his turn:
Just a little background stuff he had to learn.

He began to study higher math, astronomy and Greek,
And a lot of other languages not many people speak.
Daily exercise and cleansing for this cantrip were a must,
And his room was sooncompletely free of dust.

He boned up on old religions while the winter turned to spring,
While the spring turned into summertime he taught himself to sing.
Round the world he travelled gathering exotic herbs and stones
To command the Dominations and the Thrones.

CHORUS 2
And his bod became much cleaner than it ever was before
And his mind was full of knowledge and of long-forgotten lore,
For his need was overwhelming and this spell would be the test
Of the faith of Jacko Fosdick in his quest,
Yes, the faith of slobbish Jacko in his quest.

Well, two years had come and gone and now the hour was close at hand.
He prepared all his equipment and he marked a place to stand.
With his wand he traced the symbols he had chalked upon the floor
When a sudden knock resounded on the door.

Well, young Jacko stood there dithering, uncertain what to do,
For if he should miss this moment he would have to start anew--
Then he banished all the spirits and he broke the circle wide,
And went to the door to see who was outside.

'T was a lady young and winsome, just moved in across the hall,
And she needed some hot water for she had no power at all.
Jacko made her tea and sandwiches and helped her feel at ease,
And he found that she was far from hard to please.

And that night began a friendship and the friendship grew and grew,
And young Jacko sometimes thinks about the spell he didn't do;
Did he win romance and happiness by learning how to care,
Or was this the Goddess answering his prayer?

CHORUS 3
There are stories of the Goddess, she who rules both maids and men,
There are stories of her wrecking lives and making them again.
But the tale that warms my spirit, and that's why I like it best,
Is the tale of Jacko Fosdick and his quest,
Yes, the tale of slobbish Jacko and his quest.