CON SECURITY

(Tune: "Border Patrol")

CHORUS	Grab your walkie-talkie, check your badge is straight,
Practice your forbidding frown and never turn up late.
The job that you do is keeping fandom free
For you are the guardians of the peace for the con securitee!

The trust you hold is sacred and must not be abused
For you must see that function rooms are never ever used
You'll stand in the doorway, you'll have no time to rest
For everyone must be kept out, especially the guest, and it's

CHORUS

The dealer's room's a danger zone and must be guarded well
Especially from anyone who tries to buy or sell
The best way is to confiscate their cash as they go in
For too much money in one place will surely lead to sin, and it's

CHORUS

Your wallyphone's a vital tool in spite of all its faults
It's safest left inside your room or locked up in the vaults
But if you have it with you, then never answer back
Obey it without question, though all it says is "QUACK", when it's

CHORUS