MICROPHONE SOCK (Words byZan, tune "Bantam Cock" by Jake Thackray) It was a grand upstanding microphone sock, all thick and stiff and red, It was made of foam from the plastic tree, and fastened with a nylon thread, With a little black nylon thread it was. I put it on a mike and introduced it to my favourite filking fen, They popped and they popped as they always pop, and they paused for breath and then They upped and they popped in it again they did. They hissed and spat and whistled at it, in a manner both rude and brute, They grabbed the mike to steady themselves, and one of them hit it with a flute And the neck of a mediaeval lute she did. They picked up the stand and waggled it about like the bloke who sings with the Who They twirled it around on the end of its lead and stuck it to the wall with glue And a self-tapping countersunk screw they did. [They put the guitars up under their chins and plucked the strings with their teeth The tricks they played on my microphone sock were just way beyond belief But the mike refused to come to grief it did.] At last the session drew to a close, not a single light flashed red, And then up spoke the engineer, "You know that mike's quite dead, It's completely and utterly dead," he said. The filkers made a dreadful din but I showed no sign of fear. "I think you'll find that all your songs are recorded loud and clear On the mike that I set up over here."