CAPTAIN OF THE ENTERPRISE

(Tune: "Ruler of the Queen's Navee", Gilbert and Sullivan)


When I was a lad I shocked my nurse
For I wanted to travel round the universe
I thought the earth was a crashing bore
And I couldn't see what people had been put there for.
(He couldn't see what people had been put there for.)
My nurse just shuddered and closed her eyes
And said I would be Captain of the Enterprise.
(His nurse just shuddered and closed her eyes
And said he would be Captain of the Enterprise.)

My play school career was short and sweet
For I soon had the other children at my feet.
Being given orders always roused my ire
And the day I left I set the place on fire.
(And the day he left he set the place on fire.)
The teachers said that I would never rise
And would surely be the Captain of the Enterprise.
(The teachers said that he would never rise
And would surely be the Captain of the Enterprise.)

When I entered high school they tried to find
A doctor who could tell them what had skewed my mind,
For I liked nothing better than to start a fight
Or attack young ladies in the middle of the night.
(Or attack young ladies in the middle of the night.)
McCoy said "There's nothing there to analyse,
You'll have to make him Captain of the Enterprise."
(McCoy said "There's nothing there to analyse,
You'll have to make him Captain of the Enterprise.")

My nasty nature was plain to see
So they sent me into the Academee,
But I handled this with my usual flair,
I was the only student who enjoyed it there!
(He was the only student who enjoyed it there!)
The tutors' reaction was no surprise,
They put me down for Captain of the Enterprise.
(The tutors' reaction was no surprise,
They put him down for Captain of the Enterprise.)

I ruled my class with an iron hand
So they transferred me to Supreme Command.
A couple of murders and a rape or two
At the end of the evening always helped me through.
(At the end of the evening always helped him through.)
The Command Instructors with fearful cries
Agreed to make me Captain of the Enterprise.
(The Command Instructors with fearful cries
Agreed to make him Captain of the Enterprise.)
[I met this girl in my final year,
Name of Servalan, she seemed devoid of fear.
We fooled around 'cause I liked her face
But I soon found out she couldn't match my pace.
(But he soon found out she couldn't match his pace.)
So I threw her over for she was no prize
For the future Captain of the Enterprise.
(So he threw her over for she was no prize
For the future Captain of the Enterprise.)]

(Slower)
You spacemen all who are more than sheep,
If you want to rise to the top of the heap,
If you want to sail through the stars so free,
Bringing peace and justice to the galaxee...
(Bringing "peace" and "justice" to the galaxee...)
Be totally bad, and never compromise,
(Spoken) And if you can get past me...
(Sung) You all may be Captain of the Enterprise!
(Be totally bad, and never compromise,
And we all may be Captain of the Enterprise!)