YES, WE HAVE NO ORGANAS

(Scene: the cantina. Suddenly in burst three armed stormtroopers.
"Where is the Princess?" they hiss.
"What Princess?" some clown replies. "The Princess Leia Organa," rasps a trooper. To his horror, the whole place bursts into song:)

Omnes:	Yes, we have no Organas,
	We have no Organas today.
	We got Solos and Bobas
	And Landos and Yodas
	And all kinds of droid, and say,
	We got a young apprentice farmer
	(He's quite a charmer)
	But yes, we have no Organas,
	We have no Organas today.

A Corellian speaks:	Yes, we have no Organas,
	We have no Organas today.
	We got Wookiees and cookies
	And traders and Vaders
(Spoken) With the Vader we throw in a light sabre and an Airwick...
	We got some fine herbs and spices,
	And lots of interesting vices,
	But yes, we have no Organas,
	We have no Organas today.

A Trekkie speaks:	Yes, we have no Organas,
	We have no Organas today.
	We got hundreds of lifts
	Working alternate shifts
	And demanding a fair day's pay.
(Spoken, triple speed) We got a hell of a ship with a Captain called Kirk
                       Who with two or three others does all of the work.
                       The rest are all women, four hundred or more,
                       And no-one at Starfleet can think what they're for--
	But yes, we have no Organas,
	We have no Organas today.

A Mediaevalist speaks,	Ita, non habemus Organas,
having trouble with the metre	Non habemus Organas hodie.
and missing the point entirely:	Habemus tibias lyrasque
	Buccinasque violasque
	Nec desunt cornu aeneae;
	Habemus tympana aurata
	Et quadraginta castrata,
	Sed ita, non habemus Organas,
	Non habemus Organas hodie.

A Sevener speaks:	Yes, we have no Organas,
	We have no Organas today.
	We got dangerous rebels
	And mind-reading pebbles
	To frighten the Feds away
(Spoken, a la mode Daley) We got this incredibly powerful secondhand battlecruiser...one previous owner...fell off the back of a lorry, no questions asked...
	But yes, we have no Organas,
	We have no Organas today.

(He is dragged off. Another takes his place...)
	Yes, we have no Organas,
	We have no Organas today.
	We got Avon and Cally
	And Avon...and Avon...and...
(...but she is also dragged off, semi-conscious. There is a brief lull while the musicians finish the verse, punctuated only by a solo voice singing "You are my heart's delight" over the penultimate line, and being suppressed brutally.)

A Doctor speaks:	Yes, we have no Organas,
	We have no Organas today.
	We got Time Lords and Daleks
	Who speak in italics
	And tend to get in my way.
	We got one used Romana.
	Take her if you wanna.
	But yes, we have no Organas,
	We have no Organas today.

Omnes again:	Yes, we have no Organas,
	We have no Organas today.
	We got spaceships and TARDES
	And Laurels and Hardies
	And futures that ain't passe.
	We got a whole bunch of villains
	And heroes to do the killin's
	But yes, we have no Organas,
	We have...no Orga...nas today!

(The stormtroopers, cursing in baffled rage, slink off as the Company breaks into a wild hoe-down, balloons descend from the ceiling, spikes rise from the floor etc.)