MIKE CONROY'S DINOSAUR (Tune: something in the Lonnie Donegan vein) Mike Conroy has a dinosaur, it's green and four feet high, He's really rather proud of it, it's the apple of his eye, But looking underneath its arm he found to his dismay A nasty gaping hole from which the air had leaked away... (CHORUS) Oh, Mike Conroy's dinosaur has a hole under its arm. Now some might think it adds a certain something to its charm But a sudden drop in pressure could do a person harm; Does no-one love a dinosaur with a hole under its arm? Perhaps it had an accident while wading through the swamp Or in the rough-and-tumble of a prehistoric romp. Oh isn't it a tragedy that a little thing like that Can make a firmly rounded friend so weary stale and flat? (CHORUS) Oh, Mike Conroy's dinosaur has a hole under its arm. Now some might think it adds a certain something to its charm But a sudden drop in pressure could do a person harm; Does no-one love a dinosaur with a hole under its arm? He's a victim of deflation, and he's feeling quite let down. One time he took it swimming, he was almost like to drown. It's hard to know that someone who you thought would really care Turns out to be a hollow shell of nothing but hot air? (CHORUS) Oh, Mike Conroy's dinosaur has a hole under its arm. Now some might think it adds a certain something to its charm But a sudden drop in pressure could do a person harm; Does no-one love a dinosaur with a hole under its arm? (Instrumental break) The moral of my story you may view with some alarm: Don't place your trust in no-one till you've checked under their arm, (Slower) And when you shop for rubber goods they sell behind closed doors... (a tempo) Don't ever buy their condoms till you've checked their dinosaurs! (Okay, we used to sell inflatable Godzillas at the place where I worked, and one of our customers returned one as faulty, and someone put this note on it...)