THE PEACOCK

(Tune: "Macnamara's Band" again--yes, I know)

Our local squire have opened up his home to public view,
He've brought in loads of hanimals, you'd think it were a zoo,
Such rare and wondrous creaturs you could never hope to find,
And several pair of wildfowl of a most distinctive kind.

CHORUS
Oh, the peacock is a horniment to every stately home,
And if you gets a peahen then your cock will never roam,
They'm useful and they'm bootiful and does your garden proud,
So pay no mind to folks when they do tell you they'm too loud.

Now down at Fawcett Hall we had a burgular one night
A-lookin' for my lady's pearls of which he'd had a sight.
He forced the pantry window but before he could get in
His work was hinterrupted by a truly awful din.
CHORUS

The parson brought the choir round to practice in the hall
But every time they started up the peacocks they would call
The parson tried to shoo 'em which did not amuse the squire
Who said he thought the peacocks sounded better than the choir.
CHORUS

"Now Mellors," said Lord Chatterley, "I charge you on your life,
At half past five this morning I distinctly heard me wife!"
The gamekeeper he pondered and he scratched his grizzled head.
"'T was just they pesky peacocks, zur" was what he up and said.
CHORUS

They have a hundred uses and they'm easy birds to keep
So long's you're not partic'lar about losing all your sleep
I found one in the library doorway with its tail aloft
His lordship said he put un there to keep away the draught.
CHORUS (twoice, wi' big finish like)