ALWAYS A WOMPRAT (Tune: "Always a Woman to Me", Billy Joel) No head and no tail, it's got twelve sets of teeth, No ears on the top and no legs underneath, A brown furry sausage is all that you see, It squirms like a snake but it's always a womprat to me. Two little red eyes show you which end is which. It inches along like a bean with an itch. And you'll never know if it's a he or a she... It eats like a horse but it's always a womprat to me. Oh, it takes care of itself, It knows just what it wants: It's a belly with hair. Oh, and it always gets in, And it always gets out With much more than its share. It can stretch itself out to two metres or more, Or scrunch itself up if there isn't much floor, And wherever you lock it it always gets free... Call it just what you like but it's always a womprat to me. (Repeat middle bit) It's got twelve sets of teeth but no tail nor no head. It's only got two moods, enraged and well-fed. It'll cheerfully eat anything it can see... And it's looked on by some as a pain in the bum but it's always a womprat to me.