PIE SQUARED

(Tune: "Transport of Delight", Flanders and Swann)

INTRO

Some talk of Colonel Sanders, and some of Ron McD.'s,
Of Hindustani curries, and take aways like these:
Such sources of nutrition, I'm bound to criticise,
(I'm) The owner and proprietor of--- Big Brian's Home Made Pies!

(Over two bars vamp) 	Come and get your pies from--Big Bri,
	Come and get your pies from--Big Bri...
If you are at the spaceport, and you don't know where to eat,
You'll see my face a-smiling, on every local street,
And very soon you'll have a meal, the best that you can buy--
	They're packed with protein, cheap and tasty,
	Come and get your pies from--Big Bri!

Upon my little farmstead, I breed contented pigs,
I feed 'em on the best me boys, boiled cabbage, beans and figs,
And when they've grown enough me boys, they lay them down and die--
	With the finest meat and shortest pastry,
	They're packed with protein, cheap and tasty,
	Come and get your pies from--Big Bri!

Gourmets and epicures have tried my pies, (Try the pies! Buy the pies!)
Gourmets and epicures have died like flies, Highly unwise!! Highly unwise!!

And when I come to cook them, they're only hung a week,
I use my secret recipe, it's really quite unique,
I got it from my Grandma, who poisoned Uncle Guy--
	With its eighteen secret herbs and spices,
	The finest meat and shortest pastry,
	They're packed with protein, cheap and tasty,
	Come and get your pies from--Big Bri!

The Public Health Inspectors, they come round once a year,
And then they shout "All right, you're clean! Just let me out of here..."

I run a streamlined business, I don't believe in waste,
You'll eat my pies with relish, it helps to hide the taste,
And my secret last ingredient will take you up so high,
	You'll think there's nothing quite as nice as
	The eighteen secret herbs and spices,
	The finest meat and shortest pastry,
	They're packed with protein, cheap and tasty,
	Come and get your highs from--(sorry)
	Come and get your pies from--Big Bri!

(Dedicated with respect to the late Brian Burgess, who put up with a hell of a lot.)