ONE FOR PATRICK

(Tune: "Mountains of Mourne")

O Bogsnot, this Dondu's a wonderful sight;
It's peaceful by day and it's quiet by night.
They don't have no quagmires, volcanoes nor mirk
And when folk should be drinking they go out to work.
At least when I ask them that's what they all say,
So I thought I might try it, well, just for one day.
But the thirst I endured left me longing to be
In the place where the Klood flows away from the sea.

I recall when I left you confided some doubts
On the class of the talent I'd find hereabouts.
Well, the girls are quite pretty, from what I detect,
But their dresses and gowns are absurdly high-necked.
As for getting acquainted, they're friendly and bold,
But a night out with one cost me twenty-five gold!!
I would urge you to stay in the land of the free,
Where the scum-laden Klood flows away from the sea.

You remember Dratwangle the Daft, I dare swear:
Well, he's over here now with a pub in his care.
I dropped in for a pint and was taken aback,
For the ale was too weak to crawl out of the jack.
And my cries of amazement I scarce could restrain
For in all that vast crowd I heard no-one complain:
"If you want proper ale," says Dratwangle to me,
"Best go back where the Klood flows away from the sea."

NOTE.--The Church of Yurinn stems from Lesser Kastath, a barren and blighted land on the flat planet Nduma. Dondu, across the East Polar Ocean, is a far more sophisticated place altogether.