MY BOLSHY WOMAN SONG

It's come to my attention there's a genre I've not covered
And I always try to be a completist
It might be said that I'm not really qualified to do it
But that's just being narrow and defeatist.
So gather round and listen while I play upon your heartstrings
And try to resolve each contradiction
For the creature you're abut to meet is so unrealistic
You'd never find her outside science fiction.
CHORUS
This is my bolshy woman song
And I hope that it doesn't make you sad.
I know I'm not a woman and I'm really not that bolshy
But none out of two ain't bad.

I'll start right off by saying that you really shouldn't love me
I'm heartless, fickle and deceiving
Though what percentage I get out of telling you beforehand
Is beyond all my powers of conceiving.
'Cause if you aren't attracted then it doesn't really matter
It's unlikely that I will ever meet you
And if you are attracted then I shoulda kept my trap shut
I've just blown all my chances to cheat you.
CHORUS
This is my bolshy woman song
And I hope that it doesn't make you mad.
I know I'm not a woman and I'm really not that bolshy
But none out of two ain't bad.

I'll toy with your affections and then dump you by the roadside
I'll give you good reason to fear me
But now I've sung those lines I can wave bye-bye to my sex life
'Cause no-one who's heard 'em will come near me.
I'm obviously interested in empty fornication
Commitment? hey, I can do without it
But given that this lifestyle is the one I've freely chosen
You'd think I'd sound happier about it.
CHORUS
This is my bolshy woman song
And I hope that you don't feel you've been had.
I know I'm not a woman and I'm really not that bolshy
But none out of two ain't bad.

I guess that underneath it all I'm really quite romantic
I long for a relationship that's stable
But love can make you lose control and that would drive me crazy 
So I run away as fast as I'm able.
I'm hoping that I'll find a man who'll force me to be faithful
Who'll love me and make me grateful for it.
So if you're out there listening my number's in the phone book
And as for this song, just ignore it.

CHORUS
This has been my bolshy woman song
And I hope that now it's over you'll be glad.
I'm not bolshy, not a woman, and not much of a singer
But hey! none out of three ain't bad.