COUNTING SONG

(Tune: original, such as it is)

I'll give you one, just to have some fun,
One for the check that never got done,
And the starship lifts on time.

I'll give you two that'll do for you,
Two for the bearings not quite true,
One for the check that never got done,
And the starship lifts on time.

I'll give you three that'll keep you free,
Three for the warnings none could see,
Two for the bearings not quite true,
One for the check that never got done,
And the starship lifts on time.

I'll give you four, you won't need more,
Four for the seals around the door,
Three for the warnings none could see,
Two for the bearings not quite true,
One for the check that never got done,
And the starship lifts on time.

I'll give you five, just to stay alive,
Five for the shielding on the drive,
Four for the seals around the door,
Three for the warnings none could see,
Two for the bearings not quite true,
One for the check that never got done,
And the starship lifts on time.

I'll give you six when your eyes play tricks,
Six for the drinks you shouldn't mix,
Five for the shielding on the drive,
Four for the seals around the door,
Three for the warnings none could see,
Two for the bearings not quite true,
One for the check that never got done,
And the starship lifts on time.

I'll give you seven 'cause it rhymes with eleven,
Seven for the fool with his eyes on heaven,
Six for the drinks you shouldn't mix,
Five for the shielding on the drive,
Four for the seals around the door,
Three for the warnings none could see,
Two for the bearings not quite true,
One for the check that never got done,
And the starship lifts on time.

I'll give you eight just to set it straight,
Eight for the stowaway's excess weight,
Seven for the fool with his eyes on heaven,
Six for the drinks you shouldn't mix,
Five for the shielding on the drive,
Four for the seals around the door,
Three for the warnings none could see,
Two for the bearings not quite true,
One for the check that never got done,
And the starship lifts on time.

I'll give you nine when you're doing fine,
Nine for the unfreed power line,
Eight for the stowaway's excess weight,
Seven for the fool with his eyes on heaven,
Six for the drinks you shouldn't mix,
Five for the shielding on the drive,
Four for the seals around the door,
Three for the warnings none could see,
Two for the bearings not quite true,
One for the check that never got done,
And the starship lifts on time.

I'll give you ten if you tell me when--(pause)
Ten for the ten who came again,
Nine for the unfreed power line,
Eight for the stowaway's excess weight,
Seven for the fool with his eyes on heaven,
Six for the drinks you shouldn't mix,
Five for the shielding on the drive,
Four for the seals around the door,
Three for the warnings none could see,
Two for the bearings not quite true,
One for the check that never got done,
And the starship lifts on time.
And the starship lifts on time.

NOTES ON THE AFOREGOING

1. The Chan Lung (2412) exploded on the pad due to an incorrectly run preflight sequence. Fatalities: 479.

2.Two navigational bearings are required, from Earth usually Polaris and Arcturus, to enable the nav computer. The John Sessions (2209) was lost in space, presumed due to incorrect bearings. Fatalities: 280?

3. The Arkansas (2281) suffered inflight explosion because someone had hung a pin-up calendar over a bank of three little-used warning lights. Fatalities: 17, 31 injured.

4. The outer hatch sealing is customarily checked on all four sides, since the Mighty Joe Young incident (2193). Fatalities: 182, 109 permanently damaged.

5. The star drive's five layers of protective shielding must be checked constantly. The reference is the Gung Ho (2605). Fatalities: 409, 3 decerebrate.

6. It has long been accepted that the intake of alcohol and the precise operation of heavy machinery are not compatible. It took the Ruby Tuesday disaster (2234) to make it law. Fatalities: 748.

7. The pilot of the MacAlinney's Pony (2443) was watching a rather spectacular shower of Cepheids when the time came for liftoff. Fatalities: 479.

8. Dilwyn Bloch stowed away on the Fandango (2518). His weight brought the total payload to 8 kg in excess of liftoff tolerances. Fatalities: 480.

9. The Saratoga (2271) uprooted a gantry while lifting off. Fatalities: 157.

10. In each of the cases listed above, despite massive litigation and public outcry, the owners and backers of the ships in question continued to support starships. The tenth case is usually referred to as the ship on which the singer is currently serving.