Deathbed-Warmers

Words and music byZan(TM)

When I was only ten years old my Grampa passed away
It was the saddest day that I had known
I tipped a can of spiders in the coffin where he lay 
So that poor old Grampa wouldn't be alone
And after all the funeral arrangements had been made
I thought Poppa would inherit Grampa's bed
But nobody would touch it, as he left it so it stayed
I asked Pop why and this is what he said:

Son, a bed that someone's died in just ain't fit for mortal men
Till the evil has been cleansed and purged away
So I've called the deathbed-warmers in to make it right again
And until they come that's how that bed will stay.

Within a day or two a painted wagon came to town
JAKE AND SALLY, DEATHBED-WARMERS on the side
They came into our parlour, at our table they sat down
And spent the evening feasting high and wide.
Their tales of evil spirits would have like to curled your hair
And set your nerves a-quivering with dread
And my eyes were wide with wonder as I watched them climb the stair
To do battle with that demon-haunted bed

For a bed that someone's died in is a deathtrap, so they say,
And can drag your spirit screaming down to hell
So you call the deathbed-warmers in to drive the bad away
And you pay them and you pray they'll do it well.

Well, all that night I lay awake just listening to the sound 
Of the battle taking place right down the hall
Those bedsprings creaked and rattled as the bed jumped up and down
And horrific screams resounded through the wall
I counted twenty times or more they took on evil's might
But in the end I guess they must have won
'Cause everything went quiet as the sky was getting light
And they slept until another day was done

For a bed that someone's died in needs the deathbed-warmers' art
To restore it to the use of mortal men
So you feed 'em and you pay 'em and you take 'em to your heart
Else otherwise they might not come again.

Jake and Sally stayed another night and then went on their way
With a hefty fee and food from every farm.
And the bed that Grampa died in was my Poppa's from that day
And it's never done him ary kind of harm.
Now that was fifteen years ago, and I still recall it well
But since that night I've learned a thing or two
I guess I know just what they did to save our bed from hell
And that's a job I'd purely love to do

For a bed that someone's died in could be very nice indeed
If you haven't got a bed to call your own
And a loving friend to work with is the only thing you need
'Cause there ain't no deathbed-warmer works alone

Yes, a bed that someone's died in could be big or could be small
Could be plain or fancy, new or old and worn,
But if you will be my partner we'll be ready for the call
As the greatest deathbed-warmers ever born
And we'll take on evil spirits until dawn!